With Expectation

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As Christmas slides into the New Year there is ample time for looking back and looking forward. We make lists of goals and resolutions that we hope to stick past February, and we look back at the year gone by and try to glean some wisdom from our mistakes and missteps so as not to repeat them in the new year. As I look back over my past few months I don’t quite know where to begin.

You see, life is incredibly capricious. 2011 has been, by far, the most interesting year I’ve lived.  I experienced a lot. I graduated from graduate school with a masters degree, I lost my dream job, I had a wedding and then this fall, I stopped and looked around and in a very short time, I realized the most important thing. I realized that I am solely responsible for my happiness. This may not seem like a life changing realization, but shortly after I realized that I am responsible for my own happiness, I realised that I wasn’t happy. I wasn’t depressed, but I certainly wasn’t happy, I wasn’t engaging with life, and I wasn’t holding myself accountable. So, I made perhaps the hardest decision I’ve ever made. I changed my life, I took control of who I was and who I wanted to be. I made my happiness a priority and surrounding myself with other people who are happy so we can share in happiness together. Somehow, I wish I sounded more passionate and artistic and less cheesy inspirational speaker, but it’s what happened. There is very little in my life that is the same as it was six months ago, and that is terrifying. The comfort that I worked so hard to establish is completely gone. I’m rebuilding relationships with people I’ve known for years, and actively building new relationships. My kitchen has changed and with it the people I cook for. I’ve been afraid to write about food and cooking for the past few months because for me so much of cooking is about who you share it with.

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It is terrifying to change your life, yet I am excited, expectant, and engaged in a way I’ve never been. I am eager to see what 2012 will bring, what opportunities and adventures are in store. My goals for the coming year are simple;

  • Engage with Creativity
  • Have Adventures
  • Be Happy

I can confidently say that I am actively living my life and every moment is simultaneously petrifying and liberating. I don’t know what the next six months will bring, but I am ready to face them with eagerness and an openness to all possibilities.

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